EMDR therapy and counselling for trauma and PTSD
In Part One: Why can't I stop reacting to triggers? we looked at how the autonomic nervous system scans for danger beneath conscious awareness, a process called neuroception. Although this process is automatic, the moment we notice dysregulation or a sense of unease, we have an opportunity to pause and assess what's happening. This involves consciously checking for cues of safety, or noticing when those cues are missing in the environment around us.
This connection between neuroception and felt safety isn't just clinical observation, it's grounded in research. Stephen Porges, the researcher behind Polyvagal Theory, describes how the nervous system continuously and unconsciously evaluates cues of safety and risk in our surroundings, our bodies, and the people around us, shaping our physiological state before we're ever consciously aware of it. His work highlights that cultivating feelings of safety isn't a luxury or an afterthought in healing, it's a biological prerequisite for connection, regulation and resilience. If you'd like to go deeper into the science behind this, you can read his full paper, Polyvagal Theory: A Science of Safety.
In situations we already know are challenging, we can prepare ourselves by making the passive process of neuroception more active. This means intentionally scanning the space and observing what feels safe, comforting, or regulating as well as anything that feels risky, threatening, or unsettling. Doing this as soon as you enter the environment, can help you feel more prepared and in control.
Ask yourself:
What do I need right now?
What can I do to feel safer or improve my experience?
This simple check-in supports your nervous system in recalibrating, rather than reacting automatically.
When we feel threatened, frightened or triggered, the brain’s threat detection system can become highly activated, shifting our attention towards survival and away from the present moment. Engaging the thinking brain can help interrupt this response and maintain our attention in the here and now. Activities that encourage us to notice, name and observe our thoughts, feelings and surroundings can help reduce the intensity of the fear response and create a greater sense of safety and control.
You might try:
A felt sense of safety is shaped by three core elements: Choice (and control), context and connection. Below is a breakdown of each one and how you can work with it.
When choice feels restricted or you sense you have no way out, the nervous system interprets this as danger. You can support regulation by deliberately identifying where you do have agency in a situation. As an adult, you have far more options than your nervous system may initially recognise, especially if the situation echoes childhood experiences where choice and control were limited or absent. When old patterns are activated, the body can momentarily forget that you now have autonomy and the ability to make decisions that support your wellbeing.
For example, at a social gathering you can choose how long you stay. If a work meeting becomes heated, you can step out. In everyday life, we are rarely truly trapped, but exercising choice can feel uncomfortable if we fear judgement or consequences.
Notice where fears or old patterns may be influencing your boundaries or decision-making. Reclaiming even small moments of agency can significantly reduce the nervous system's sense of threat.
Confusion or bewilderment often signals that neuroception doesn't have enough information to make sense of the moment. This might involve external ambiguity, for example, hearing chaos but not seeing what's happening, receiving a text message or email with an unclear tone, or being asked to do something without explanation.
It can also involve internal ambiguity: a racing heart that seems to come from nowhere, illogical anxious thoughts, or an urge to escape a neutral situation.
Curiosity can be an antidote to confusion. By becoming curious about what is happening, you can begin to gather the information your nervous system needs to feel safer and settle.
Ask yourself:
The brain is a prediction machine. When it lacks information, it fills in the blanks using past experiences and those predictions are not always accurate or proportionate. A helpful question might be: What 'blanks' is my brain filling in, and are these accurate, likely, or proportionate?
You can also work with worst case scenario thinking by calmly appraising the reality of the feared outcome. Negative visualisation allows you to consider the possibility that the feared event could happen, without assuming it would be catastrophic. Ask yourself:
This approach helps shift the nervous system from panic to problem-solving.
Humans need connection, but not all connection feels safe. Your nervous system attunes to the emotional tone of the environment and the people in it. Strangers arguing loudly, someone under the influence, or a stressed parent shouting in a supermarket may not pose any real danger, yet neuroception can interpret these cues as threatening, especially if you grew up in a volatile or unpredictable environment.
Reflect on:
Finally, appraise your current reality: Do these perceived threats pose a real and present danger? Often, the body is responding to echoes of the past rather than the truth of the present.
If you find that your nervous system is frequently responding to the present as though you are still in danger, therapy can help you understand these patterns and work towards feeling safer and more in control. EMDR therapy can be particularly helpful when past experiences continue to influence how you respond in the present, helping to reduce the emotional and physical impact of traumatic memories. If you’d like to learn more about how EMDR works, read my Complete Guide to EMDR Therapy, where I explain what EMDR is, what to expect from sessions and how it can support trauma recovery.
